To My Fellow Liberals, it’s time to stop whining about the election and do something…or don’t do anything. I care more about the whining.
My Facebook wall has been full of nothing but whining this week. My liberal friends are posting about how they are getting stress-induced rashes or they are posting online petitions against Betsy Davos. Keep submitting online petitions! It worked for the “Gilmore Girls” reboot, it surely will get Paul Ryan to to change his mind! Many are saying how “it’s the last great day in America.” Ok people, it’s time to stop. I have the same liberal ideologies as you. I hate Donald Trump as much as I hate gummy candies (even looking at their gloopy gelatinous bodies and unnatural coloring makes me nauseous) but as my mother used to say to me when I was little and i wanted dessert “whining is very unattractive.”
Hey guess what guys? We lost. And it wasn’t the Russians, it wasn’t James Comey and his “X-men pretending to not be a mutant by destroying all the X-men” appearance. It was us. Young people didn’t turn out to vote. Especially in the midwest where me and most of my friends who are complaining live. Trump took states like Wisconsin and Michigan by razor thin margins where voter turn-out was down. Do I think Trump is a molesting liar who exploited the worst parts of our society and people to win this election? Absolutely! Do I think he cheated to win? For sure! Do I think the next four years are going to be a dumpster fire? Yes! Am I buying a gun because I don’t feel safe in this country? I already filled out my application and submitted it! Have I made sure my passport is up to date and have an emergency bag ready filled with cash under my bed with my most prized valuables and instructions to my loved ones in Chicago if I have to quickly move in the night and have I already discussed with my closest friends and siblings where I’d be moving to if we had to leave quickly if Trump decides to come after Jews or Hispanics like he’s threatening to do to Muslims or illegal immigrants? Well…that’s confidential ;). My point is I’m crazy about this too! I’m panicked, I’m scared, I can’t sleep, but you know what’s worse than being locked in a dungeon? Being locked in a dungeon with a whiny bitch who won’t shut up about being locked in a dungeon.
This is not a “ra ra” article. I’m not going to tell you to donate to Planned Parenthood, to write your congressperson, to protest. Yes, you should do all those things, I’m doing all those things, but live your own life. Do something, or do nothing, but just don’t whine! Wait. Wait. I do want to ask you to do just one thing for me. Please, in God’s name, no more online petitions. If I get one more bullshit petition sent to me by some website I never heard of that has the word “progress” in the title where the e-mail probably goes to the same place the e-mails to Santa go, I’m going to blow my head off with my new gun.
Whining is very unattractive. Almost as unattractive as a patronizing and righteously indignant piece about whining is, so stop. Do something. Or don’t. I don’t care. Just leave me alone about it.
Shut up and donate: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/ just please don’t tell me about it.
